Faces of the PA: Parent Education Chairs

1/22/2024

by Editorial Staff

For this Faces of the PA, we ask Courtney Bolton, Chair of the Parent Education Committee, about Julie Lythcott-Haims' upcoming visit to Nashville.

On April 4 at 6:30 p.m. in the theater on Frist Campus, Lythcott-Haims will address the community on "How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare your Kid for Success." The event is in partnership with Harding, Harpeth Hall, MBA, Oak Hill, and USN. We also check in with Liana Young, the Parent Education Chair-Elect, about her plans for next year.

What is most appealing to you about this event? What do you hope parents take away from Julie's message?

Courtney: Ensworth is a place where parents and caregivers pour a lot into their children's lives, and we hold our children to high standards. While having high expectations for our children can lead to increased self-agency and higher self-esteem, a fine line exists between developing achievable goals to foster growth and setting unattainable standards. Often, we conflate our children's success with being successful parents.

My hope for this talk is that, as parents, we collectively take a deep breath and put away the carefully curated check-lists we've made for the school year, and for summer, and for Kindergarten through 12th grade, and we simply let our kids make mistakes without sweeping up the mess for them. I would love for us to be able to take in the message that allowing our children to "fail" in a community like Ensworth places them on a path for success, and being there to support them but not 'fix' is where we should focus.

Julie's practical approach to raising resilient, self-sufficient children weaves in research, disarming tell-it-to-me straight humor, and actionable advice that I believe all parents and teachers can appreciate and use.

Is it a resonant message for parents across all grade divisions? Why or why not?

Courtney: Absolutely. Julie frames her work as important for children from "toddlerhood to twenty-somethings," but I actually think her message resonates beyond young adulthood. From kindergarten to those matriculating to college, this talk focuses on developing resilience and learning to thrive, not just achieve. It's a powerful reminder to parents and teachers to evaluate our values and resources and think critically about whether or not we are applying those resources in the right ways to align with the outcomes we are hoping to see.

It also gives us a nudge to sit in the uncomfortable space of not doing too much for our kids - that can be really hard for those parents who are high achievers. This is a trap a lot of parents in our community fall into. John Medina wrote a great book called "Brain Rules for Baby," which summarizes his work on who is most likely to go to Harvard. The results of several longitudinal studies showed that it was the parents who prioritized grit and resilience over accomplishment that ended up being the most successful and well adjusted college students and young adults. Similarly, Carol Dweck's work on 'growth mindset' shows us that kids who experience 'failure' in safe environments don't view failure as a permanent state of being but an obstacle they are capable of overcoming. This perspective starts in toddlerhood and continues through adulthood. So, I would say this message is definitely relevant to all age groups.

What inspired you to take on the role of Parent Education for the Parent Association?

Courtney: The parent education role has so much potential to support parents in creating a healthy community for our children to learn and thrive. If the last few years have taught us anything, it's how critically interdependent people are on one other. We are not only social learners, but we use each other to shape our ideas and define our community and family values.

I see this role as having the privilege of listening to the community needs, bringing in programming to address those needs, and creating safe spaces for conversations around critical topics. It's important to me that we are able to hold space for parents to learn and share diverse perspectives while assuming best intent in one another. I appreciate being challenged in my thinking more than I do being supported or validated. When someone really leans into a conversation, that's where I find I learn the most rather than the moments where people politely listen or agree. I am looking forward to some of the fireside chats where we get to plant the seeds for bigger conversations or spark ideas that may lead to learning opportunities.

Liana, as Chair-Elect, do you have any plans for next year you are already thinking about?

Liana: For next year, we are exploring speakers for topics on achievement culture as well as the latest research on social media and our children/teenagers and online safety. We are always eager to know from the parent community, the topics they are most interested in, so please send your thoughts our way.

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